Ty's Babbles

Funnest Photo Scavenger Hunt

2010-07-06T01:19:00.009-05:00

A picture of a TEAM MEMBER….

Mall/Other Stores

___1with a mall security guard

___2posing (sexually provocative) with a mannequin/cardboard cut-out at the mall

___3singing Happy Birthday to a table of strangers at the food court

___4in line to purchase a gross amount (144) of tampons*

___5with the angriest employee

___6in a shopping cart.

___7and a stranger getting creative with a sex toy (POINTS x2)

___8pretending to do stunts on a stationary lawn mower (at home depot, menards, lowes)

___9next to the most beat up/run down car in the mall parking lot (STRANGER’S CAR)

___10getting “comfortable” at a mattress store (POINTS x2 if it’s with a stranger)

Miscellaneous

___11walking a stranger’s dog (POINTS x2 for picking up poop)

___12pumping a stranger's gas (POINTS x2 for exotic car i.e. Ferrari, Lambo, Porsche, etc.)*

___13with a set-up of a porno scene using toys in a toy store

___14fellating a banana* (POINTS x2 if it’s a stranger)

___15and 3 strangers doing the YMCA

___16handcuffed to _______ (POINTS x2 if stranger is handcuffed to something)*

___17in a mid-air jump with a stranger(s) (POINTS x2 for 5+ strangers)

___18proposing to a stranger

___19with a stranger doing a crazy tongue trick (POINTS x2 for multiple strangers)

___20doing the crab-walk with a stranger in a public place (POINTS x2 for multiple strangers)

Strangest Strangers

___21a flamboyantly gay person

___22an uber fat person

___23a tranny/cross dresser

___24a hobo

___25a cougar

*No Purchase Necessary

Anterior Cruciate Ligament

2009-04-09T00:39:00.004-05:00

I'm getting surgery tomorrow (in 12 hours). I am SO scared.
I tore my ACL in January skiing.

Now I have the AWESOMEST doctor operating on me
Went to Harvard, personal orthopedic physician to Sasha Cohen..
Medical Director of Sports Medicine at my Hospital.. O YEAH
If there's anyone who wont screw up the surgery.. its him.

Still scared.
Lets hope I don't die...
Stupid anesthesia forms...
They say I might die....

This is roughly how they fix it...

It's my birthday

2008-12-11T15:26:00.003-06:00

I'm 19... this is my last childhood birthday... bc its the last of the teens!!
Next year its 20.. and that's just no fun!

I'm happy, and I'm happy that I'm happy :) lol
Yey presents!! :D

COLLEGE

2008-08-26T21:59:00.003-05:00

I'm in college!! Woohoo!!

It means that in high school... I did something right!

I go to Loyola University as a BioChem and Psych double major, with a minor in neuroscience. I live in the City of Chicago, on CAMPUS!!
There is a party scene here... except I'm not in it... nope I get my homework done a week in advance :) Why? B/c if I don't, I go back to living at home :(

So for me, everything is going peachy :) almost
I ripped something in my toe, the night before i moved in, so now... a week moved in.. i have gained the freshman fifteen!!
I eat 3 big meals a day.. they're prepaid for, so I feel guilty if I don't, and because my toe is bandaged up... I have to stay off it and can't go work out at the awesome sport center that I also prepaid for!!
But that's it for me, everything else is going well.
For my roommate... not so much....
She has this thing of things just not working for her.. like her internet connection, her room key, and her clothing drawr.. poor girl:(

And that's college for you in a nutshell, for now.
I have a lot of free, unstructured time on my hands now :) So I'll be doing homework and blogging :)

Peace out

waves

2008-08-10T18:33:00.002-05:00

Xrustia at the aquarium

2008-08-10T17:59:00.002-05:00

Xrustia Swimming

2008-08-09T18:00:00.002-05:00

2008-06-28T23:20:00.002-05:00

So its summer.. and im sad.. why am I always sad? I'm supposed to be a happy person..
Maybe its because nothing is going my way... quite sad :(
thats alll... i cant even work on my romance novel because i cant install word on this laptop...
what a silly silly girl i am...

Disappointment

2008-06-21T00:55:00.003-05:00

I'm looking into myself on an issue...

Do I have a right to voice my disappointment in a manner? Do I accept something for what it is, and thank that I have it in the first place. Or should I say, "I was very upset and disappointed, and now I'm just not happy.." is that right? With material objects? Jobs? People? I don't know. I have no clue.

People in this country look down on those that voice their disappointment in material objects. They are refered to as spoiled brats. Who are too used to having everything their way, and when one little thing goes wrong, suddenly the said person is heard loud and clear. What's wrong w/ that?

Being unhappy with a job is common, it's attributed to poor life choices.

But being unhappy or disappointed with people is another story. It's the reason for so much relationship failure and divorce in this country, spoiled brats w/ acting out with people and objects.

Confusion

2008-05-29T00:19:00.002-05:00

Why am I stressing out?
B/c I dont know what the correct path or direction is...

Am I doing something good for myself?
I thought I was... but now I feel pushed...
like this isn't of my own accord

Why don't I have any support on my decision?
Because it's asking for trouble...
and possibly jeopardizing my future...

I hate making decisions like these..

2008-05-25T21:46:00.002-05:00

School is over soon..
Everyone is moving away...
Life is turning around in so many weird different directions...
And its all kinda sad

Easter Breakfast Conversations

2008-04-27T19:13:00.002-05:00

2008-04-07T02:33:00.001-05:00

some people are just born evil...

Anti-War Song

2008-03-31T00:08:00.003-05:00

I kind of edited this to get to the point of the song.. its called where have all the flowers gone? by Pete Seeger

Isn't it simply devastatingly sad??

Where have all the flowers gone?
Girls have picked them every one
Where have all the young girls gone?
Taken husbands every one
Where have all the young men gone?
Gone for soldiers every one
Where have all the soldiers gone?
Gone to graveyards every one
Where have all the graveyards gone?
Covered with flowers every one

2008-03-23T16:10:00.008-05:00

The Seasons have some powerful effects :)

It's amazing how, with the sun and the warmth, all ugly personal dispositions disappear and cheery, happy, optimistic, smiley people reappear :D

There are blue skies w/ cotton candy clouds and snow on the ground... a contradiction that can only happen in late march Chicago :)

It's too bad that even with all this new high tech gadgets... we still can't predict the weather very accurately ... it has so much to do w/ the way we plan our lives...

Whatever

Enjoy the sun :) and the spring flowers

2008-03-17T01:41:00.005-05:00

so I'm reading these books... that make me question the way i think about the world and my current life... i love books that make me do that.. :)

currently its mostly about productivity... I'm here sipping my wonderfully delicious coffee contemplating my future... instead of doing my calc hw... haha... i guess thats one problem i got... making future goals.. but not focusing on the little ones i have in front of me right now... grr is all i have to say to myself.

and then of course... the distraction ...will always be prominent haha

i want music back in my life ... i think THATS what made me a bit more productive at times... losing myself in my thoughts and focusing on the task at hand... rather than letting my mind wonder to all the various distractions that unveil themselves in my presence at very peculiar and variable intervals throughout the day!

the picture.. kinda random... but its swirly and pretty ... kinda like my thoughts right about now haha

thats all of my ramblings for now

Friday Brain Awareness Video

2008-03-12T18:29:00.002-05:00

My personal favorite

Thrusday Brain Awareness Video

2008-03-12T18:06:00.002-05:00

Wednesday Brain Awareness Video

2008-03-12T18:04:00.002-05:00

Tuesday Brain Awareness Video

2008-03-12T17:53:00.003-05:00

Monday Brain Awareness Video

2008-03-12T17:43:00.002-05:00

This is everyone's favorite

2008-02-21T22:16:00.004-06:00

I got into college woohoo!!
And here I thought I was bad at playing by the College Board's rules!! hehe ... yey...
im so excited... for so long I thought I didn't have a future... and yet... I DO!!
(did you know that the college board is the only legitimate monopoly in the US after the anti trust laws were in effect?) its true... think about it... all that control on standardized testing, tuition, scholarships... a lil ridiculous no?

just a random thought...

like my fading scar? its like harry potter's lightning bolt or... zorro's mark lol

A moment of self reflection

2008-02-11T23:37:00.001-06:00

Why would people who are considered to be progressive thinkers, and very open minded be... so opposed to new and different ideas? Can you imagine a stand still world without creativity?? I had a self actualization moment... all this time I've been trying to conform myself to a type of ideal... I wanted to be efficient, on time, no mess, perfect in all my executions. I thought about the world mechanically... but why? That isn't who I am. I do things differently from other people, I'm a creative silly person who has different ideals in life, and I am failing miserably at conforming myself to this standard of achievement. I don't have to be a robot to be successful. :)

New Pic of the Day

2008-02-07T23:27:00.000-06:00

I saw this somewhere... This girl had a picture of the day... for every day... it was kinda cool... she was a very good photographer... for everyday... she recorded some event or random object that she was thinking about that day. And I thought, to make my life more interesting or at least thoughtful... why not???

So the past few days... all everyone around here has been preoccupied w/ is the weather... our huge snow storms and stupid schools for making us attend school and face the dangerous commute to classes...

this is the view out the window from my photography classroom.. cool right?

Weird Weird Schedule

2008-02-06T14:53:00.000-06:00

February is strange like nothing else. It's completely disrupting the learning process... snow days.. primaries... Odyssey.. Other completely unnecessary holidays... I'm a little upset because I am not getting a full chance to finish up my education!! All this sleeping in... overworking... not working... its throwing off my circadian rhythms!!

The snow outside is OUTRAGEOUS!! OMG!! It's ridiculous!! They better not have school tomorrow... its a danger to drive outside... Students get into car accidents because they don't know how to drive in this snow... its really quite sad...

SO why am I so pessimistic?? I'm finally independent... I hear this so much.. is it true? Am I really influenced by my friends? But the people I hear it from make me think otherwise... I always though I was my own person to some degree... I study... I love to laugh... I want to succeed... and be happy... but not with those that are always unhappy... have problems.. and like to pressure me to do things that I am so uncomfortable with!! Maybe that is what i need to realize... there are things that I've done that I'm really uncomfortable with!

now i am.. i wasn't before..

O man... too much for one entry lol

Enjoy the snow everyone :)

2008-01-31T23:17:00.000-06:00

I voted today :) It was exciting!! Now I get to be the Laptop Judge in the Primaries on Tuesday :) I can't wait!! This is so exciting... : D

2008-01-27T00:17:00.000-06:00

So Friday night was kind of awesome.

Lets start that it was "Tetyana's Day" lol which is seriously weird... its a holiday commemorating a saint... seriously weird... but in Russia.. I think its also students day!! A day for students to stop studying and do some seriously wild partying and drinking!! I thought it was kind of awesome when I read it... my name matching up with a holiday that best describes me... b/c I do nothing in my life besides studying... for now at least... :)

I went out w/ Anna and Vesi.. they a re so much fun!! We went out for pizza... then we stopped by dance... omg NED IS ENGAGED!! I AM SUPER HAPPY FOR HIM!! Took him till he's thirty!! lol
And then we stopped by a place in park ridge called the teen's center for some DDR and air hockey :) very relaxing evening that I hadn't had in a while.

Today all I did was work.. but it was good:) I earned beautiful tips :) It made me happy.

Thats all for tonight... I'm off to bed.... hopefully not spending every moment regretfully that I ruined Kristy's love life. :(

To Anonymous

2008-01-25T01:23:00.000-06:00

The world makes sense... every time i tell ppl im going to be alone for the rest of my life... they dont believe me... this is why!! im huge on honesty... when theres honesty involved.. i dont think im doing anything wrong.. but then ppl get SO upset at me.. and i dont get it... you asked for something... i got it... i thought my means were innocent but i guess not... im sorry... im only trying to work everything out for the better... not sabotage it! I dont believe anything like that should be hidden... if you hide and suppress ur feelings from the world and from the one u love and want... it does more damage than good.

Monopoly

2008-01-23T21:27:00.001-06:00

Vote for the City you want to see on the New World Monopoly :)
(my faves are chicago and kiev) on www.monopoly.com :)

Also... YEY school :)

-Tanya

Just an Update :)

2008-01-22T23:44:00.000-06:00

Heath Ledger actually died? And I had dreams of hooking up with him :(

Today was fantastic :) I don't work... like EVER!! They just took me off the schedule!! It's like an informal dismissal lol I actually went up to one of the MODs and asked if I was fired for not being at work the past month!! But no... Kelly just took me off b/c she didn't know when I was coming back.

Classes were phenomenal!! Hard.. but intriguing! With enough work and determination.. I will SO ROCK second semester... I need to... or I'll be stuck taking finals :(

BTW Turnabout is going to be off the hook!! Hollywood movies and glamor is the theme and I want to dress up as Marylin Monroe :)

O and...
I was just on Deviant Art checking stuff out... and I LOVE this!!

That's all for tonight

Stress...

2008-01-21T20:08:00.000-06:00

I was never one of those people that had panic attacks or ever got really stressed out... but seriously... ive spent an entire weekend of doing nothing but sitting on my BUTT!!! IN FRONT OF THE TV!! FOR 12 HOURS!! And I'm still stressed out like nothing else! I should read... reading helps me escape into new worlds... magical fairy lands where school doesn't exist :D

I don't know whether I want to stay in Calc BC... its crazy difficult... I am so past my days of O Math is EASY!! I'm in my days of.. "help me" I'm soo in over my head... not prepared like nothing else!!

On top of that... I haven't heard from ANY colleges... stupid colleges... I have been feeling SO insecure about my mind and education... nothing like Stevenson and The College Board to make a girl feel stupid.

I just hope it all ends, I get accepted... and live happily ever after... never the less.. this is real life... where I will be sitting around the house moping miserably... not getting accepted anywhere... and living as a bum on the streets.

The End

святий вечір

2008-01-18T19:57:00.001-06:00

Tonight is the second holy night :)
We had a small dinner, it was nice. Mom, Dad and Grandma! (vikki's at a party)

I think I might accept these cute little traditions. I should carry them on or else they'll die and be forgotten. I completely forgot all the pride that Ukrainian people take in their culture. When I was studying the dance, the language, the history... I focused so much on how people there didn't like me... that I completely forgot to focus on what I was really doing there. Now I have a new focus. My future photography concentration will be on the Ukrainian culture... and there's so much of it too... Zeleni Sviata... Ivana Kupala... Sviatyy Vechir... Ye dosyt choho fotohrafuvaty!!

-Tanya

School School School

2008-01-15T18:33:00.000-06:00

SO I totally rocked the psych exam... but that's to be expected... haha not so much on the government though... it was tough!! Anyway slowly getting myself out of my deal with XSport, I met w/ the training manager today and then I had a nice conversation with corporate. With patience... A LOT can be accomplished! :)

Anatomy, Media, and Calc Finals tomorrow :) So I'm gonna go study my butt off!

So.. The Stress is ON!

2008-01-11T00:04:00.000-06:00

I visited school for a while... got some work done in Photo and took a math Cumulative exam.. which was actually crazy easy.. IF I STUDIED!! BUT I was gone.. ALL WEEK ... so... TOTALLY UNPREPARED!

Now I'm working on Government homework tonight, and everything else during the weekend. O JOY! :) I have plans, schedules and goals. I like this, I feel like I'm moving and accomplishing a lot. It's been a while since I've felt good in my work. I'm excited for college. I think I'll do well.

So I'm taking like... 6 pills a day... for the next week. lol THATS how much virus and bacteria I have in my system... I'm surprised I'm still alive.

2008-01-09T15:18:00.000-06:00

I feel so much better!! First day that I don't have a fever in... actually... a week. That's pretty bad. But my throat looks worse than ever. Anyway... since my mind is clear and I can think again... I've been doing Government homework... catching up with stuff... It's all been good. :) I can't wait to go back to school, get finals over with, I miss school. I just wish it wasn't super stressful and annoyingly difficult :(

2008-01-08T16:15:00.000-06:00

This Virus is eating me alive. It's taking over my head. I can't think straight. My eyes, my mind, my thoughts, SO FOGGY! I'm in this daze, where all I can feel is pain, and aches, and chills.

My only thoughts are the pain... It hurts.. so much... this wringing twisting unbearable pain. My head feels full, my throat on needles, my neck feels strained... what did I do to deserve this??
A walk... A run... A look... into this warm tempting weather outside... ridden w/ virus and bacteria.

New Years

2008-01-03T11:50:00.000-06:00

New Years was kind of awesome. People got so wasted haha... I however was completely sober good little me :) but miserable and missed out on all the fun.

I have no direct resolutions... just trying to fix myself and become what I want to be. As sad as this sounds... I don't like who I am, and you can't like someone else and be in a happy and healthy relationship with the person, expect them to like you, if you can't like yourself first.

So I'm getting less lazy, more serious about my future, and college. O am I scared... terrified really... about college!! I really don't think I have a chance :(

I need a new activity that de-stresses me. It used to be dance. Now... its nothing... I am just always unhappy... with my actions, my friends, my attitude, but you know what? That's my problem. And I will learn how to deal w/ it!

Those are my resolutions. To feel better about myself. How weird... I'm so old... and yet.. I still have problems with my self esteem and confidence. It has nothing to do w/ my looks.. I think I look fabulous... but on the inside... as a person... I think I'm weak. I mean well... but I can't produce results. And as everyone knows, The End Justifies The Means.

Late Night Thoughts

2007-12-29T03:09:00.000-06:00

You know that first stage of sleep? Where you're getting drowsy and your eye lids are heavy and you feel yourself falling asleep but you're not quite there? Ukraine has a word for it... but America doesn't.

Anyway I was doing that and so much went through my mind... like I made up my mind on ACT scores and exams (the idea isnt terrible but the final execution is) and I finally came up w/ a decent Essay for my passions and interests for U of I... and I realized... that's when I'm most inspired and productive... when I'm falling asleep and I haven't done a lot of that lately b/c I've fallen straight into REM from exhaustion the past year or so!!

Merry Christmas

2007-12-24T22:46:00.000-06:00

My Wonderful list of presents :)

-New coat and boots from mommy and daddy
-New Camera case for my new camera from grandma :)
-Bracelet from Elisa
-New baby blue fuzzy gloves from daddy to replace the ones I lost :(
-a cute lil stuffed animal from Mike-y :)

Christmas is so superficial... but it's still such a happy time. We had one good happy dinner together as a family. It was different... they didn't argue as much as they usually do :).

I like the Christmas Eve traditions.... but that leaves the actual Christmas to be kinda empty... O WELL lol :)

Merry Christmas

2007-12-24T21:28:00.000-06:00

Christmas is NOT an over-rated holiday. It may be commercial, but it's not like Valentine's Day commercial... b/c somehow... everyone is happy instead of miserable. (Valentine's Day, even people with their significant others are miserable).

This Christmas Eve... I was a little eccentrically happy and decided to clean and reorganize the bathroom... I know... that's what I do when I'm happy. And I noticed that I still had all my old hair products... and that's what I have the most of... Hair Products.. O MAN!!

Those havn't changed in quality... but my hair straighteners have!! BIG time.

My first straightner was a Conair Shiny Styles

It had a lot of variety for styles...
but wasn't very effective.

My Second Straigtner was a
Vidal Sassoon Ceramic

Terrible on my Hair... but faster and did more actual straightning work.

My current one is my favorite... it doesn't damage my hair.. it is very affective at straightning and it's sleek. It's my Sharper Image Straightener.

Well that was fun. :)

I lose everything!!

2007-12-21T00:24:00.000-06:00

This is absolutely ridiculous... early this week I lost a white glove... today first i lost another glove... and THEN i lost my keys!!! The keys I found... but the gloves... OMG SERIOUSLY!! where do they keep disappearing? Anyone ever hear of the lost and found??? :(

New Health Club

2007-12-17T21:51:00.000-06:00

As of December 17th I am an official member of X Sport Fitness. I am extremely happy because I am doing this for myself. To make myself feel better and be healthier. I am just so dissatisfied with my self image, that I am willing to spend hundreds of dollars to improve it. Is it smart? I'm not sure. But mom agrees with me that it was a good decision. Which I am incredibly happy about. :) I'm unsure of a lot of things at this moment in time, but it will get better as I go along.

Neurology

2007-12-17T00:19:00.001-06:00

"Neurology's favourite word is 'deficit', denoting an impairment or incapacity of neurological function: loss of speech, loss of language, loss of memory, loss of vision, loss of dexterity, loss of identity and myriad other lacks and losses of specific funtions (or faculties). For all of these dysfuntions (another favourite term), we have privative words of every sort-Aphonia, Aphemia, Aphasia, Alexia, Apraxia, Agnosia, Amnesia, Ataxia- a word for every specific neural or mental funtion of which patients, through disease, or injury, or failure to develop, may find themselves partly or wholly deprived."
-Oliver Sacks

I think this is funny and very very true :) I look forward to reading the book.

Skiing and Snowboarding

2007-12-16T09:18:00.000-06:00

Whoever came up with the idea to let me go snowboarding is the biggest idiot alive. Even though I love him dearly, and he is like a big brother to me. Today my lower back hurts, my calves hurt, my shoulders hurt, my butt muscles hurt, WHAT DOESN'T HURT???but the day was incredibly fun and eventful :) I failed at snowboarding but am starting out on skis FABULOUSLY!!! I actually went down a big hill and went fast all by myself!! Lake Geneva was fabulous :)

my first try at snowboarding

my 3rd or 4th run skiing

HAHA housewife... HA

2007-12-10T17:20:00.000-06:00

So I just finished my cake... and I was finishing up the dishes... and I realized something!! I have all the traits of a good housewife... which I always considered to be a BAD thing... like whenever Vikki helped mom and dad do dishes, I'd be upstairs studying. Somehow, now I'm the one doing dishes, and well she doesn't do either. And I really do have all the traits...

1. I'm good in bed.
2. I'm super organized and on top of everything.
3. I'm a phenomenal cook.
4. I don't mind getting dirty and cleaning.
5. I have spectacular taste in interior design, after all.. I helped decorate like the entire house.
6. I'm responsible with money.
7. I have a potential career that doesn't consume my time, and is financially rewarding.
8. I'm really good with talking to companies on the phone... like with T-Mobile and My Bank.

Maybe I'm just being stereotypically old fashioned in this approach... but I think it's funny. If anything... these are more like traits that prove I can manage on my own and I don't need someone else's support. Like the modern day survival guide :)

It's all over : )

2007-12-10T00:47:00.001-06:00

I have just had an extreme epiphany!!

I DON'T HAVE TO BE AN ANGRY STUBBORN SCARED IMMATURE IRRESPONSIBLE LITTLE GIRL!!

I can go back to the way I was!! I used to love working out, and making friends and staying organized and doing my homework and planning ahead for the future!! What is my problem? I will now have the power to bring about change, and I can have a voice!! So why not use that? I want to declare my stage of sulkiness at 17 OVER!!

This is when it actually began.. around the time I turned 17.. interesting!! And I am now making sure that I hold myself to this promise. I will become a better person, my old self. I have to end this ridiculous depression and welcome my birthday with joy and hopes for the future.. not thoughts of wrinkles and grey hair. : )

And this is all thanks to Dmitry Grinberg .. who in the past 2 days has pointed out my " indecision, irritability, hostility, constant self-disagreements" along with being "gullible and juvenile" among other things that I don't have documents of proof and support... but that really made me think... there is more wrong with me than I thought. So now with all in consideration... I plan to pursue my better lifestyle with confidence and optimism.

Early Birthday Present

2007-12-06T21:57:00.000-06:00

Grandma bought me a very pretty early birthday present.

:)

I like them a lot!

My College Essay

2007-12-06T00:25:00.001-06:00

One of the best ways to describe me as a person is my tendency to be fickle. Growing up, I wanted to be a librarian one day and a fashion designer the next. However, the only thing that I have ever stayed true to is my love for psychology. My 6^th grade Mentor, the school psychologist, trained me as a peer mediator to solve petty playground problems. During my first session with her, I had the smallest epiphany. With my smallest contribution, I found a way to help the people around me, which was a plan I stayed dearly true towards. In high school, I joined Psychology Club. My dedication towards reforming the club and making it more prominent and influential throughout the school paid off. Now, in my second year as president, the club has a 300% larger membership and meeting turnout from previous years. We host monthly speakers who share their experiences in the field of psychology ranging from psychoanalysts, industrial psychologists, speech pathologists and school counselors. Along with Brain Awareness Week, we are currently organizing and sponsoring a fundraising event for charity. My junior year, I volunteered at The Center for Enriched Living. The Center hosted a drama program with the Looking Glass Theater Foundation. I was fortunate enough to be one of the people participating in the program, working with kids my age who are mentally disabled. This was one of the most eye opening and actualizing experiences for me because it took psychology out of a lecture hall and into a real world application. It was a little scary, because I was face to face with people that lived with the problems I only read about in books. Undeterred, I am even more so in love with psychology and plan to pursue it with passion and rigor for years to come.

I think it's phenomenal.. I very rarely write anything even half decently good. What do you think?

New Years

2007-12-01T23:02:00.000-06:00

So I am SOO planning a party... it's making me excited :)

and I thought about this...

I have new boyfriend requirements...

1. Maturity and Sophistication
2. A Sense of Personal Hygiene
3. Acceptance and an Open Mind of People

All of these requirements cover others... w/ sophistication comes lack of bad jokes... with acceptance of people comes lack of jerky attitude... w/ hygiene... BETTER come good taste in what smells good!!

I think I did well :)

Old Habits Die Hard

2007-11-28T23:47:00.000-06:00

So I decided to read over my old blog .. and I noticed a pattern in my behavior...

Ever since sophomore year... I've been more and more antisocial and stressed out... and It's a cycle that just repeats itself... it makes me think... is that the type of person I've become? an antisocial unhappy irresponsible wreck??

Am I a dreamer like the rest of them? I don't want to be. I have so many hopes for the future... even though 10% of them are unrealistic. Live in Italy as a photographer... fall in love with some gorgeous Italian boy... or be a world renowned neurosurgeon.... I've looked for careers that I love and am most easily successful in... HA

Back to reality...

The only thing I am sure of.. is that I need to take a time management class. Because I have made time for homework... but I never seem to get any done.

As for my social life.... well that will continue on living on the weekends :)

The Tango

2007-11-26T17:00:00.000-06:00

I miss dance...

I'm listening to assassin's tango.. and it caused a flood of emotion followed by tears to emerge... i want to dance to it... i want to move to it... As I sit here listening... I can feel the sharp yet fluid movements coming out of my core... but instead of letting them out into a tango... they're inhibited by my rigid body.. sitting here typing... I miss the passion, i put so much work into perfecting the tango... its beautiful... and i threw it all away... my only silver lining is to wait until I make money on my own to be able to afford to take lessons again...

I miss dance all together... it kept me happy... let me throw out all my emotions... kept my creativity and flexibility in tact... i even built friendships through it :)

Look at how happy I am in these pictures... it's what I love to do. It's one of the things I'm relatively good at. I just wish I could find someone who shares my love for it.

So my only question is how long till I dance again? Because there is no way that I'm just going to stop dancing forever.

Work

2007-11-22T01:04:00.000-06:00

I am exhausted beyond exhaustion!!

I worked till 12 30 tonight closing Barnes and Noble... it was awesome :) I love that store and I love the people I work with. My manager is one of the best people Ive ever met... shes so... GOOD ... its unimaginable.

So I'm slowly but surely getting over everything and I'm pulling myself together... I spend more time thinking about myself and less about boys so I have more time to do homework in between.

I love where I'm going... I have so much more confidence in my ability... now that I rely on no one... I follow my own wishes and will. It's relieving... this certain weight has been lifted off my chest... and I've realized something... I'm much better single than I am w/ a boyfriend... It has something to do with how much I obsess about being perfect. (in every way) that I actually drive myself to succeed!! I've had a combined total of 6 hours of sleep in the past 2 nights... so I'm going to bed good night :)

-Tanya

Babbles of a hormonal and upset time

2007-11-11T09:33:00.000-06:00

I am a seriously mentally disturbed mess. Today is November 11th, making it exactly one month until my 18th birthday. Is that scary? I think its scary mostly because it's undeniable. There is no way to make the aging process stop working. I get older with every second that I sit here typing my thoughts out into cyberspace. I don't feel like an adult. I don't feel responsible and I can't make sense of all my thoughts. I don't feel in control of my future or actions. Mostly because I don't feel in control of myself.

I used to have this joke that I would kill myself at 29 because thats the last young year. It's my last year with out wrinkles or gray hair and its the last year that I'll be flexible, young, and alive.

I am diagnosing myself as clinically depressed. I'm turning 18 and all I can think about is ending all my relationships. Whats wrong with me? What kind of sick person wants to end strongly built up relationships and build themselves into a corner. I want to reform my lifestyle and set my priorities straight, but thats incredibly difficult to do primarily because I spend so many nights with out any sleep. The people I consider to be the most important in my life also have problems of their own, and in this incredibly priveledged world with so many opportunities, luxuries, conveniences and allowances... the kind that are supposed to make life easier... all I feel is alone, hurt, mentally disturbed. I think it might all be tied to my own self concept. Im not happy with myself and that is tied to my high school and my weight. I gave up dancing along with any excercise I ever got and Im feeling worse and worse by the minute. It's my senior year and everyhting is supposed to be wonderful. But all I feel is inscreadibly dissappointed with everything going on around me. And for the first time in my life... I dont have a solution. I dont know how to deal with it. Im overworked and I dont know how to fix it. Im doing terribly in school and no one can help me. Im underslept and I cant get exercise. My life seriously needs to be changed and I dont know how to do that. I think I now understand emo kids. I think wat i need is a math tutor, a therapist, a less demanding job, a bf that doesnt have problems in his own life, and a best friend who isnt a self centered bitch her entire life.

Enlightenment

2007-11-06T21:16:00.000-06:00

These past few weeks I had a profound moment of self realization. Stevenson high school is a very humbling school. The past 3 years it was all I was absorbed in, it was all I knew. In my second semester, I started taking ballroom classes, work, classes at a college... and it hit me... I am an enlightened individual with opinions and more knowledge of the world around me and current events than the people I was surrounded by. Stevenson is teeming, over flowing with talented individuals that outshine the rest of the students still attending. I am one of the repressed voices, shy and constantly unsure of my own opinions. But as I leave the Stevenson atmosphere and step into more of the real world, I find myself confident, surprisingly more informed than the who people who have seniority above me, let it be bosses or simply older individuals with a professional career.

These are my babbles for the day.... I have college applications and a government test to prepare for.